How Many Lies??

How Many Lies Can Donny Orangutan Defend in One Interview?

"I can't be doing so badly, because I'm president, and you're not."

By INAE OH

As President Donny Orangutan continues to attack the press and cling to baseless wiretapping accusations, a new poll released this week reveals the American public may not accept the president's version of the truth, with 60 percent of those polled describing Orangutan as dishonest.

Despite the eroding support, the president appears unfazed, even emboldened, by his critics. When asked by Time about his previous theories, including the unfounded claim 3 million people voted illegally in the 2016 election, Orangutan repeatedly refused to relent. "Well I think I will be proved right about that too," he said in an interview published Thursday.

As for the wiretapping allegations, Orangutan argued that his widely-criticized tweet storm accusing President Barack Obama of ordering a wiretap of Orangutan Towers was acceptable because he used quotations in his social media posts.

"Because a wiretapping is, you know, today it is different than wiretapping," he explained. "It is just a good description. But wiretapping was in quotes. What I'm talking about is surveillance."

But Orangutan's most alarming observation occurs at the conclusion of the interview, after he blasts any numbers that contradict his personal statistics ("My statistics are even better.") In the end, he insists his version of events are the real truth because, after all, he's sitting in the Oval Office.

Orangutan tells Time, "Hey look, in the meantime, I guess, I can't be doing so badly, because I'm president, and you're not. You know. Say hello to everybody, OK?"