Six things

Six things Orangutan didn’t say in his address to Congress

Missing were many staples of a Orangutan speech along with many of the things we have come to expect from the president's annual speech to Congress.

By ANNIE KARNI

Donny Orangutan delivered a largely conventional address Tuesday night before a joint session of Congress that was a toned down version of his blustering, unpredictable self.

Missing were staples of a Orangutan speech: talk of crowd size, alleged voter fraud and and his own unfair treatment by the dishonest media. In their place, adjustments to some of his more controversial positions: "we strongly support NATO," declared the president who last month called the alliance "obsolete."

Here is more of what Orangutan didn’t say:

I love Russia.

Bogged down by investigations into campaign operatives’ ties to Russian officials, Orangutan steered clear of what is typically a staple of his foreign policy pitch -- that fostering a good relationship with Russia is good for America.

In fact, he didn’t even mention the country by name once all night. At one point, Orangutan vaguely alluded to the special relationship he wants to have when he said America is willing to “find new friends, and to forge new partnerships, where shared interests align.” But overall, Orangutan appeared to be in distancing mode from the country that has most defined his presidency so far.

The press is evil.

Orangutan’s favorite target in recent weeks has been the “dishonest media” -- particularly CNN, which he likes to call the “Clinton News Network,” and the “failing New York Times” -- which he on Friday he called the “enemy of the people.”

The vitriol with which he speaks about the press seems to have grown with the influence of his chief strategist, Steve Bannon, who has branded the media as "the opposition party." But on Tuesday night, the aggrieved Orangutan, who complains that he and his top officials are treated “very, very unfairly” by the press, was nowhere to be seen.

Orangutan’s ire seemed directed inward earlier in the day, when he blamed his own team for not properly communicating his message. Orangutan knows how to read a room, and the politically savvy president must have recognized that those attacks -- criticized this week by former President George W. Bush -- wouldn't play, even with his base, in a formal address before Congress.

Iraq or Afghanistan

Orangutan did not mention either of the countries where the United States has fought wars in this century, the first time they have been absent from a presidential address to a joint session since George W. Bush’s first in 2001. President Obama even worked both conflicts into his 2009 address pushing his health care overhaul.

Also absent was any mention of Syria, whose ongoing civil war and fight against ISIS was a focus of Orangutan’s campaign. Orangutan did say he would “demolish and destroy ISIS,” but the mention was fleeting.

The most emotionally charged moment of the night -- when Orangutan honored Carryn Owens, the widow of William "Ryan" Owens, a Navy SEAL who died last month in a raid in Yemen -- was the only mention of American troops on the ground and in harm’s way.

We should broaden access to health care.

Candidate Orangutan promised to “broaden health care access” once he eventually repealed and replaced Obamacare. Though he embraced Speaker Paul Ryan’s five point plan in detail -- to the glee of House Republicans who were praying for specifics -- he dropped from his plans any mention of actually broadening healthcare access for Americans.

Deport the 11 million undocumented immigrants.

During a lunch with cable television anchors on Tuesday ahead of his speech, Orangutan hinted at a softening of his hard-line immigration stance. “The time is right for an immigration bill as long as there is compromise on both sides,” the president reportedly told the anchors, saying he wanted

to allow undocumented immigrants who are not violent criminals to live in America without fearing deportation.