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October 23, 2015

I Failed Committee

Benghazi Committee Instructs Hillary Clinton To Limit Answers To ‘I Failed The American People’

From The Onion

Saying it represented the most efficient use of the panel’s time, members of the House Select Committee on Benghazi instructed Hillary Clinton on Thursday to limit her answers to “I failed the American people.” “We are going to ask that you confine your remarks today to ‘I failed the American people,’ or variations such as ‘I am to blame for this atrocity’ or ‘There is innocent blood on my hands,’” said chairman Trey Gowdy (R-SC), explaining that the committee and the nation as a whole were solely interested in testimony in which the former secretary of state succinctly accepted all blame for the 2012 attacks that left four Americans dead. “In order to ensure we get the information we need, it’s vital that you simply and repeatedly own up to your criminal lapse in judgment, though you are free to declare yourself responsible for other disastrous failures of the U.S. government if you wish.” At press time, committee members were instructing Clinton to simply say that she was withdrawing from the 2016 presidential campaign.

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