So funny, it couldn't have been written...

For a good time, you can't beat politics

By Roger Simon

It’s entertainment. That’s what politics is about.

Somehow it became Holy Writ this presidential cycle that Donald Trump and Ben Carson are doing well because they have nothing to do with Washington, D.C., a place that real Americans are supposed to hate.

It is the year of the outsider, the political commentators said. And if you have never held political office, you naturally will be at the head of the pack.

But that’s wrong. It’s not about being an outsider. It’s about being entertaining.

Trump entertains with his bombast and gusto and outrageous self-promotion.

Ben Carson entertains with his slow blinks, his clasped hands, his soothing monotone and calm demeanor.

Carson is a feel-good guy. He is not a shouter. John Kasich, who many in the media thought would do very, very well this year, believes there is a direct relationship between getting votes and decibels.

And Kasich spent most of Wednesday night’s Republican debate bellowing his replies as if he were shouting into a hurricane.

Kasich may be many things including smart and accomplished. But he is not entertaining.

Trump is first in the Real Clear Politics poll average, Carson is second and Kasich is ninth.

Ted Cruz is in fifth place, right behind Jeb Bush. But I have a feeling Jeb has secretly decided he’d just as soon be secretary of the interior as president of the United States. That’s how his debate performance looked anyway.

Which means Cruz could rise a notch or two. And as Cruz showed Wednesday, he understands entertainment.

The CNBC debate moderators had attempted to use a tried and true formula to create a successful debate: They wanted to get the candidates to beat up on one another.

Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t, but Cruz played it very, very smart and he did it on live TV without rehearsal.

“The questions asked so far in this debate are why the American people don't trust the media,” Cruz said. “This is not a cage match!"

Then he performed an impressive feat of memory, providing a compendium (as he saw it) of the media questions so far:

“Donald Trump, are you a comic book villain?

“Ben Carson, can you do math?

“John Kasich, will you insult two people over here?

“Marco Rubio, why don’t you resign?

“Jeb Bush, why have your numbers fallen?”

“Why don’t we talk about substantive issues?” Cruz said. “This is in contrast with the Democratic debate where every fawning question from the media was ‘Which of you is more handsome and wise?’”

But Cruz wasn’t done.

“Nobody watching at home,” Cruz said, “believes any of the moderators have any intention of voting in a Republican primary.”

The audience members went nuts. This was gutsy stuff. This was fun. And they liked it.

Marco Rubio, who is nobody’s fool, recognized which way the wind was blowing.

“The Democrats have the ultimate super PAC: They’re called the mainstream media,” Rubio said. “They said Hillary Clinton had a great week last week. It was the week she got exposed as a liar! But she had a super PAC helping her out: the American mainstream media!”

The crowd responded with cheers and applause.

And later, when moderator John Harwood tried to interrupt Chris Christie, Christie shot back: “John, do you want to answer or do you want me to answer?”

The audience applauded.

“Even in New Jersey, what you’re doing is called rude,” Christie said, which was dubious honesty, but great television.

To be fair, CNBC had helped create a somewhat lighthearted approach to the subject of American economics. “In 30 seconds,” one question began, “what is your biggest weakness?”

Harwood also asked Trump if some of his positions lacked intellectual rigor or, as Harwood put it, “Is this a comic book version of a campaign?”

The Donald looked hurt. “No,” he replied, “and it’s not very nice the way you asked that.” Later, Trump said: “Some of these questions are nasty and ridiculous.”

At 9:18 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time, it finally happened. The audience booed one of the moderators.

CNBC’s Carl Quintanilla had been asking Ben Carson about a controversial and delicate matter: Carson’s support for Mannatech Inc., a nutritional supplement maker that has been sued in the past for making false claims.

Carson said he made paid speeches for the company and that he takes its food supplement, but that was the extent of his support.

But Quintanilla said that Carson’s picture had appeared on the company’s home page.

“If somebody put me on that home page, they did it without my permission,” Carson replied.

But Quintanilla pressed further, questioning Carson’s “vetting process” with regards to appearing on home pages.

And here the audience began to growl and boo and howl.

Carson played it like a pro.

“See?” Carson said calmly and quietly, a beatific look on his face as he praised the wisdom of the audience. “They know.”

They do know! They know what they like. And that’s entertainment.