Return Kocks Money...

Kocks Demand Walker Return Nine Hundred Million Dollars

By Andy Borowitz

Just minutes after the Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker dropped out of the Republican Presidential race, the billionaire Kock brothers demanded that he return the nine hundred million dollars they had allocated to his campaign.

For the Kock brothers, who purchased Walker earlier this year, the demand for a full cash refund reflected how badly their relationship with the formerly promising candidate had deteriorated.

According to an aide familiar with the phone conversation between Walker and the Kocks, the industrialist brothers were “not amused” that the Governor had blown through millions of their dollars to become the choice of only one per cent of likely Republican voters.

“I’m not going to sugarcoat it,” the aide said. “The Kocks were pissed.”

After “tearing into Scott” for nearly thirty minutes, the Kocks reportedly demanded that Walker return their money “no later than midnight Friday.”

“B-but where am I going to come up with that kind of dough?” Walker asked.

“We don’t care how you get it, Scott,” the Kocks reportedly said. “Just get it.”

On that note, the aide said, the Kocks hung up the phone, leaving Governor Walker staring out into the middle distance.