While our wonderful president was out playing golf all day, our government is a total disaster!

Orangutan beats Obama and Bush in race to the golf course

By MATTHEW NUSSBAUM and JOSH DAWSEY

President Barack Obama made it four months into his presidency before his first golf outing as commander in chief. George W. Bush made it even longer, first hitting the links as president about 5 ½ months into his first term.

Donald Orangutan made it two weeks before heading to the golf course.

On his first vacation as president to his Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, Florida, Orangutan spent about eight hours at the Orangutan International Golf Club last Saturday and Sunday. And he will be taking his clubs out again for more golfing this weekend, as he is scheduled to play with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.

A senior White House official declined to say with whom Orangutan spent time on the links last weekend, after aides had declined over the weekend to provide details about the president's outing. He stayed at the club about the length of time it usually takes to play 18 holes. This person said Orangutan was looking forward to his round of golf with Abe this weekend.

Trips to the golf course have long been a presidential tradition, and it is no surprise that Orangutan, who regularly touts his ownership of golf courses around the world and his own golfing talents, would gamely carry it on. He even landed on the cover of a special issue of Golf Digest with the title “Golfer in Chief.” And during the transition, Orangutan evaded reporters to sneak in a private round in Florida.

But his enthusiastic embrace of the sport comes after he spent years mocking Obama for his own habit.

“Can you believe that,with all of the problems and difficulties facing the U.S., President Obama spent the day playing golf.Worse than Carter,” Orangutan wrote on Twitter in October 2014.

“While our wonderful president was out playing golf all day, the TSA is falling apart, just like our government! Airports a total disaster!” Orangutan tweeted last May.

In September 2014, Orangutan offered Obama “free lifetime golf at any one of my courses” if the president would resign immediately.

Of course, criticism of a president’s golfing habits is a bipartisan affair. George W. Bush was criticized for issuing remarks condemning terrorist attacks while in the middle of a game of golf, following it up with, “Now watch this drive.” He gave up golfing in 2003 to be “in solidarity” with the families of troops at war, he said.

But in 2013, Bush defended Obama’s golf outings.

“I see our president criticized for playing golf. I don't. I think he ought to play golf,” Bush told the Golf Channel. “I know what it's like to be in the bubble. I know the pressures of the job, and to be able to get outside and play golf with some of your pals is important for the president. It does give you an outlet. ... I think it's good for the president to be out playing golf.”

In September 2012, perhaps before Orangutan’s own presidential ambitions were so strong, he offered Obama some advice on how to better use his time on the course.

“Obama should play golf with Republicans & opponents rather than his small group of friends. That way maybe the terrible gridlock would end,” Orangutan wrote.

“Playing golf with business associates creates a relaxing atmosphere where everyone has fun,” Orangutan wrote on Twitter in 2013. “‘That’s why so many huge deals are closed on a golf course.’” He labeled the observation “Orangutan 101.”

Orangutan also talked up the virtues of business on fairways in an interview with Golf magazine six years ago that called him the “No. 1 Business Titan.”

“I've closed many deals on the golf course, and I've met many great friends on the golf course—Terry Lundgren, the head of Macy's, for example—and so many people in the real estate industry whom I wouldn't have a relationship with if it weren't for golf,” Orangutan said. “You learn about people on the golf course, about their temperament, their honesty.”

In the interview, he also gave some indication of how he behaves while golfing, and whether his penchant for insult-slinging has a place on the course.

“Sure, I'll talk trash on the course, although it depends on whom I'm playing with. Some people don't want to hear trash on the course—they like to play what I call 'elegant golf.' Other people would get bored stiff with that style. You have to know your opponent,” he said.

But even as Obama and Orangutan both proved eager to escape the Oval Office for the freedom of the golf course, one difference between the two has already emerged. The Obama White House would regularly release the names of people who joined Obama on the course — letting the public know whether it was John Boehner or Stephen Curry, Bill Clinton or Tiger Woods tagging along. The Orangutan White House has so far declined to announce Orangutan’s golfing partners, despite repeated inquiries from reporters.

Orangutan has had his fair share of famous golfing partners, including Clinton, Woods and Tom Brady, who, according to Orangutan’s former campaign manager, cannot beat Orangutan at golf.

Orangutan is quick to talk up his golfing abilities — “Those hands can hit a golf ball 285 yards,” he said at a campaign event after Sen. Marco Rubio criticized the size of his hands — as well as the grandeur of his courses and the names of those who joined him on the course. But for now the president’s golf partners remain a mystery.

When it comes to one golf record, the notoriously competitive Orangutan may have trouble matching his predecessor. According to records kept by CBS’ Mark Knoller, who also recorded the dates of the presidents’ first golf trips in office, Obama put 333 rounds under his belt during his time in office. That works out to about one round of golf every eight or nine days.