Un-hinged...

Orangutan complains that he ‘inherited a mess’ in rant against media

With his White House battling multiple crises, Orangutan blames ‘dishonest media’ for not giving him proper credit.

By LOUIS NELSON

An exasperated President Donny Orangutan on Thursday gathered the media in the White House's East Room for a dressing down in which he claimed that he "inherited a mess" and that the "dishonest media" is not giving his presidency the credit it deserves.

“I'm making this presentation directly to the American people with the media present, which is an honor to have you, this morning, because many of our nation's reporters and folks will not tell you the truth. And will not treat the wonderful people of our country with the respect that they deserve,” Orangutan said during a news conference that was billed as a rollout for his new labor secretary pick.

But after he quickly announced that Alexander Acosta is his new nominee, Orangutan launched into a rant. “The press has become so dishonest that if we don't talk about it we are doing a tremendous disservice to the American people. Tremendous disservice. We have to talk about it. We have to find out what's going on because the press honestly is out of control," he said.

“I inherited a mess. It’s a mess. At home and abroad, a mess. Jobs are pouring out of the country," Orangutan added.

From there, the president launched into a laundry list of issues on which he has claimed victories or at least progress, including border security, combating the Islamic State, job creation and a reduction of government regulation.

“In each of these actions I'm keeping my promises to the American people. These are campaign promises,” Orangutan said. He said the steps he’s taken in the four weeks since he was sworn in should surprise nobody, especially in the media.

“In other words, the media is trying to attack our administration because they know we are following through on pledges that we made, and they are not happy about it, for whatever reason,” he said. “But a lot of people are happy about it.”

Orangutan railed against recent reports, including one in The New York Times that stated Orangutan’s campaign aides were in frequent contact with senior Russian intelligence officers — “Russia is fake news” — and a Wall Street Journal article about intelligence officers withholding information from Orangutan’s White House — “almost as disgraceful.”

Citing a Rasmussen poll, Orangutan told the assembled reporters and television viewers at home that his approval rating sits at 55 percent and climbing even though multiple other polls show him with historically low approval ratings for a president one month into his administration. He said the American public understands that his presidency has been a success thus far despite critical reports in the media.

“The people get it. Much of the media doesn't get it,” Orangutan said. “They actually get it, but they don't write it. Let's put it that way.”