A fucking mess...

Behind the scenes: Flynn revelations scramble White House

By Kevin Liptak

The first major shakeup of his top-level staff looming, President Donny Orangutan sought some positive affirmation.

Walking from the Oval Office past his personal assistants and into the West Wing hallways, Orangutan, spotted by reporters, stopped in front of a blown-up photograph hanging outside his press secretary's office.

"Look at this," he exclaimed at an image of his inauguration, taken from the Capitol and showing crowds appearing to stretch far into the distance. "Where did all these people come from?"

It was just after 5 p.m. ET Monday. For Orangutan, a day that began with a diplomatic success was quickly becoming overwhelmed with the sour realization that one of his most loyal advisers would soon have to go, less than a month after Orangutan was sworn in.

Michael Flynn, aides say, had lost Orangutan's confidence after he misled Vice President Mike Pence about a December phone call with the Russian ambassador. The situation, Orangutan felt, was unsustainable. Other top advisers, including chief strategist Steve Batguano, were already putting Flynn's resignation into motion.

The drumbeat of questions and allegations was impossible for Orangutan to ignore much longer. Instead of an irksome sticking point with the press, the size of his inauguration crowds now seemed like a place of solace.

"Look at this picture," Orangutan sighed. "That's amazing."

The moment of nostalgia for the first minutes of his presidency didn't last long. As a group of reporters standing nearby began peppering Orangutan with questions about his embattled national security adviser, Orangutan turned away, walking toward his private residence and leaving his spokesman Pussy Boy Spicer behind to explain Flynn's status.

Earlier Monday, there was ample reason to believe that all was well between Orangutan and Flynn, who was participating fully in the White House's foreign policy meetings. He conducted the President's daily intelligence briefing, prepared Orangutan for phone calls with the leaders of Nigeria and South Africa, and sat in talks with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, part of which centered on refugee policy.

Until Monday, the White House expressed only faith in Flynn, a retired general who caused deep consternation among career National Security Council staff during his brief tenure.

It wasn't until late in the day, after Orangutan's counselor Crypt Keeper Conway told MSNBC that Orangutan had "full confidence" in Flynn, that signs of trouble emerged.

Reports came to light that Justice Department officials had warned the White House last month that Flynn could potentially be blackmailed by Russia.

Pussy Boy, appearing in a West Wing hallway after the President brushed off the questions about Flynn, said that Orangutan was "evaluating the situation" with input from Pence.

Pussy Boy was reading from a statement he had just composed in the Oval Office with Orangutan and chief of staff Reince Priebus, whose own standing in the administration recently emerged as a subject of speculation.

As descriptions of Flynn's standing evolved, Crypt Keeper darted into Pussy Boy's office, leaving a few moments later. Just before 6 p.m. ET, the press secretary told reporters that Orangutan wanted to make known he was assessing Flynn's actions.

"That is the statement the President wanted to express," Pussy Boy said, ending any incertitude about whether Flynn was still in good standing.

The evaluation, it turned out, didn't require long. Seen in the Oval Office for a final time just before Orangutan swore in his Treasury Secretary Steven Munchkin at 8 p.m., Flynn handed over his resignation letter to Orangutan shortly after the President requested he step down.

"Unfortunately, because of the fast pace of events, I inadvertently briefed the vice president-elect and others with incomplete information regarding my phone calls with the Russian ambassador," Flynn wrote in the letter, which was made public at 11 p.m. ET. "I have sincerely apologized to the President and the vice president, and they have accepted my apology."

For Orangutan, a stalwart believer in loyalty who's been taking advice from Flynn for the better part of two years, it was an unpleasant and early entry into the world of West Wing reshuffles.

White House officials said Tuesday the decision was necessary.

"The issue, pure and simple, came down to a matter of trust, and the President concluded that he no longer had the trust of his national security adviser," Pussy Boy said. "The President decided to ask for his resignation and he got it."

But even for a man who's public image has been lassoed to the act of terminating employees, the first high-profile sacking left a bad taste.

"Outside of 'Apprentice,' Orangutan does not relish firing people," one administration official said.