Destroys Dissenting Justices

Stephen Colbert Destroys Dissenting Justices In Same-Sex Marriage Decision

By  Andy McDonald  

We have a feeling his monologues are going to be pretty great.

Not even into his "Late Show" tenure yet, new host Stephen Colbert can't wait to dig into the current events and find the funny.

With the landmark 5-4 decision by the U.S. Supreme Court on Friday allowing same-sex couples to legally marry in all 50 states, Colbert justifiably tore into the four dissenting justices.

As for which of the judges wrote the dissenting opinion, Colbert said, "I'll let you guess which ones." He then broke into a Frankenstein monster impression with an "ARGH, GAY BAD!" thrown in for good measure.

The four judges voting against legalization were Justice Antonin Scalia (gasp!), Chief Justice John Roberts (no!), Justice Clarence Thomas (shock!) and Justice Samuel Alito (what?!).

But Colbert insists the ruling is not great for everyone: "My condolences to gays with commitment issues who are asking their partner IF WE CAN JUST PLEASE TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK TODAY."

In the end though, it's great news, even if it took longer than it should have.

"It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did," said Colbert.